Sorry

I’m sorry.

I really am. For leaving you alone. Again.

For being selfish.

For wanting this all to end.

Even though I am scared. You know I am. You know how much I fear death and obliteration from existence.

But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t stand this anymore. I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be. I couldn’t follow what they wanted me to follow. I could never bend to their rules.

You must hate me for it, of course you do. You never expected me to be as weak as I am at this point.

I want you to forgive me for that. For my weakness and for how easily I gave up.

That’s why I want you to be happy. Even if that means you’ll have to forget me, that my presence in your life will be but another face in the crowd. If that means you’ll be happy, I won’t mind it, not at all.

I want you to be happy without me.

Because I could never bring you happiness. Not the tiniest bit of it. Even if you seemed happy and even if you followed me.

Especially because I was the one following you, the one needing you in my life, not the other way around, as you might think. I simply didn’t show it.

So please forgive me for this sudden departure, but you’ll have to understand.

Please be happy