reminiscing, pt. 2

I'll have to admit it, I was jealous at first. It took me quite a while to grasp the full nature of their relationship, and when i finally did, I felt like an idiot. But at that time, I was jealous of how well the two of them got along. At how easy it was for the two of them to develop a friendship. Within days, his 'just don't get in the way' attitude had completely changed. They got along like peas in a pod, and soon enough they were cracking jokes and acting like they were life long buddies. Considering that we were around eight or nine, that wasn't saying much. But it was enough to annoy me. It was harder for me to get along with her. Sure, I was curious about this foreign girl and her ways, but it took me longer to get accustomed to her presence. And even after I did, we didn't exactly get along. We were like water and oil, didn't mix. And it wasn't long before we were arguing. The two of us argued over the smallest things, like the children we were. It would be a couple of years before we manage to act more civil towards each other, and a couple more for me to start thinking that I might be in love with her. Of course I didn't really believe it, I didn't really understand it. But it was a possibility I had to consider.

But like I said, I was jealous.

My own feelings were painting a different picture than what really was there, and I actually believed it. But what would you have me do? If you had seen the way the two of them acted, you'd be suspicious as well. And I resigned. Resigned that I wasn't the one she had chosen. But really, with the way we were towards each other, what did I expect? She couldn't really fall for me. No. Not while she had him anyway. Now I know that there was love between the two of them. Just not the one I thought I saw. He loves her. Very much, actually. But not in that way. She's like a sister to him. A family member. A part of him, that he treasures very deeply and doesn't want to see hurt and would do anything for. Recently, he actually confessed  to me that at some point, he had actually felt that way towards her, but it didn't last long. Their relationship wasn't meant to be that way, and he didn't want to ruin everything. I never knew he could be that thoughtful. 

"You love her don't you?" the question was asked when we were around sixteen, I think. A lifetime away.  I was so taken aback by his outburst that I nearly choked in my drink. Unfortunately that served as enough confirmation for him. Lately, I had been making myself scarce, busying myself with training and studying, and just generally avoiding their company. Jealousy stung so deeply in my chest I felt better if I wasn't in their presence, feeling like an unwanted companion, butting in on some private business. They both had managed to corner me in different occasions, both inquiring about my continuous absence. I, of course, had shrugged it off, claiming to both I had been busy training and studying, telling her that I would find some time to hang out and telling him he would do best if he focused on his duties. That only kept them satisfied for so long, and that morning when the question came I felt as though as I had been stabbed. As if my perfect plan was, after all, very much flawed, and everyone could see through me.

I was surprised he was so insightful. I never expected him to figure it out, and for a moment I just stood there, staring at him, mouth agape, before I could find the right words to say. "What are you talking about?" he had smirked. Gods how I hated that smirk of his. He always did it when he though he knew something other people didn't. And most of the times, he did know something others didn't. Seeing it directed at me made me swallow. I glanced down at the table, and clenched my fists. There was no way to avoid this now, he could be like a dog with a bone - just didn't let go. If I continued to feign my ignorance, he would never leave me alone until I confessed. It was just a matter of time. And as much as I would appreciate to delay the confrontation, it was best just to get over with it. Even though I didn't really understand it myself. "I... I don't know." How could I know? My experience with love had been rather limited, I wasn't really ready to make such a claim. For him, however, it was as if I had just told him she was the love of my life, that I couldn't spend another minute without her and that I was ready to marry her. Or at least it looked like it for the way he was grinning like a madman.

I chucked a piece of bread at his head and scowled. That only fueled him, unfortunately.

"I knew it!" he exclaimed, making me sink into my seat, desperate to avoid the eyes that had set on us. "That's why you've been avoiding us, right?" he continued, much lower, and the other students returned their attention to their meals. I nodded some, and sat a bit straighter, my eyes focused on my plate. "I...  I don't know. Besides... I didn't want to get in the way. You too look pretty happy together." It took him a while to grasp the meaning behind my words, but when he finally did, he started laughing. Effectively bringing everyone's attention to us. I sunk again in my seat, praying for the earth to swallow me. Or to be struck by lighting. Since none of it happened, I resigned to glare at him - who knew, maybe I had some sort of special power that would make him catch on fire. He managed to regain some composure though, sparing me from stabbing him with my knife.

"You really thought... I mean... The two of us? Like together? No. NO" that was even more surprising. I blinked, not sure if I had understood it correctly. He cleared his throat before carrying on "That would be like dating my sister, or something. It'd be weird as hell." He still felt like laughing while I stat there, not quite believing. "I can't believe you really though something was going on." he muttered, shaking his head. 

That afternoon, the three of us got together again. 

The Hunger Games ♥ The Hanging Tree lyrics

reminiscing

I still remember the first time I met her. In fact, I remember it as if it were yesterday. We were only children, and yet I distinctly remember how different she looked. With her fair skin and clear eyes, she looked nothing like the other people I saw around the complex. She looked very much like her father, their eyes and hair the exact same shade. Perhaps there was something of her mother in her too, but about that I could not provide information, as it had always been the two of them, with no sign of a mother. Many years later I found out she had died during childbirth, but at that moment, all I knew about the two of them was that they were foreigners. I do not know how her father had come to work for us, but at first people were suspicious of him - after all, he was a foreigner, he could very well be siding with the enemy to attack us from the inside. Yet, time after time her father proved his allegiance to us - and his skills as a healer were far greater than any of the previous ones could atone for. And so, the two of them stayed. 

She was such a strange kid. Always following her father around and helping him. It was something we weren't accustomed to, and as such, it was regarded with suspicion. That small child, who didn't seem to be afraid of blood and gore in the least bit, was enough to scare grown men. Yet, her father was vehement about her presence. As his only child, she was his only hope to carry on the legacy, and as such, she had to learn. And if they were bothered by it, all they had to do was find someone else to heal their wounds. And so, the little girl grew up to be the fine healer she is today. 

That day, when the three of us first met, I remember that she was the one to approach us. Yet again, this was something we weren't used to and for a moment we just stared at the strange looking girl, with her defiant stance and her arms crossed over her chest. "Can I be your friend?" The question took us by surprise. Of all things we were expecting, that certainly wasn't one. I didn't know what to say, of course, but he, however, was quicker to regain his wit "Why?" of course he was curious. Leave it to him to be curious. "I don't like the other girls. They're mean. And annoying." we both laughed at this, of course. And she scowled. Though there was something more in that scowl... maybe, longing? "Father says I can't be without friends. And since I can't get along with the girls, I thought..." and now she was embarrassed. It was something she has maintained  throughout her life, she doesn't like admitting to things. Especially that she needs help. Yet, at that time, the look of embarrassment was quickly replaced by one of annoyance and she huffed, obviously displeased at the outcome of this situation. "Nevermind, I thought you guys were nicer. I was obviously wrong" And with that she was off, without allowing us to even reply.

It was a couple of days before we crossed paths again, and during we discussed whether or not that girl could be a friend. After all, one doesn't become friends just by asking, friendship is something that is build over time. However, he decided we could at least indulge the girl. Of course he was the one calling the shots.  So, when he met again, he was the one to step forward and speak to her. "Fine. You can hang with us if you wish. Just don't get in the way." If she had been happy about this news, she didn't not show it. Instead replying with a shrug and an uninterested voice. "Fine"

And so, our friendship begun.